Out to Eat in Sioux Falls: ‘I tried everything at Pizza Ranch so you don’t have to’

Imagine you're five years old again and after a long, exhausting day of back-to-school shopping, your family is looking for a bite to eat before heading back home.  

Dad asks, “Where do you want to eat?” and all at once you and your siblings shout, “PIZZA RANCH.” 

Your mom sighs and your dad turns on the blinker, too tired to deal with another meltdown today. 

Once at the all-you-can-eat-buffet establishment, you anxiously wait for your parents to pay, so you can stuff your mouth with pizza and ice cream before challenging your siblings to arcade games. 

Pizza Ranch is the stuff of memories. It never loses its charm. But looking back, I empathize with my parents. 

On a cool, Wednesday night, a few friends and I mosied on down to Pizza Ranch on 41st Street to reminisce on our childhoods by stuffing ourselves full of pizza. And, yes, I tried everything at Pizza Ranch so you don’t have to.

As soon as we walked in, we immediately smelled the delicious scent of baking pizza crust, causing our stomachs to growl. The warm-toned walls and friendly staff welcomed us farther into the restaurant. 

The evening buffet ran me $15.50 and included the all-you-can-eat buffet and drinks. An extra merchant fee was added due to my debit card payment, so the grand total was $17.02. No student discount was available. 

As we wandered around looking for a spot, I noticed it was a pretty standard crowd for the 5 o’clock hour with a hearty mix of kids, parents and grandparents seated at a variety of tables, booths and high tops. 

We chose a clean table in the corner of the back room with no one around, so we would be able to converse as we ate. As soon as we set our stuff down, we headed to the buffet line to fill our plates. 

The salad bar — with a side of soups and noodles

I was determined to try at least a bit of everything on each buffet, so naturally I started at the salad bar. There were three options for a salad base: shredded lettuce, spinach and a pre-made mix with lettuce, cabbage and carrots. The spinach was wrinkly and I spotted some brown pieces in the shredded lettuce, so I chose the salad mix but later found some rusty orange pieces of lettuce in there. 

To top my salad, I grabbed one cucumber slice — because the batch looked dehydrated — some boiled eggs, shredded cheddar cheese, tomatoes, croutons and crushed Doritos and topped it all off with some ranch dressing. Overall, it was a pretty standard salad but a great way to start the meal. 

From the salad bar, I also grabbed a bite of potato salad, macaroni salad and coleslaw. Each salad had the perfect texture, but they were sickly sweet due to the mayo in their recipes. 

After those salads, I enjoyed some grapes, mandarin oranges, canned peaches, applesauce, strawberry yogurt and chocolate pudding before topping my first course off with a dill pickle spear. The pickle was perfectly crunchy, and its vinegary flavor added a nice reprieve from the lingering mayo taste in my mouth. 

My next course had me sampling the soup and pasta options. First, I took a small cup of the chicken tortilla soup, which was lukewarm, making the texture gummy and over exaggerating the taco flavor. 

The other soup option — chicken noodle — was excellent. The soup was piping hot and the herbal chicken flavor was so delicious it could cure any sickness. If I didn’t need to save room for three more buffet lines, I would have gotten seconds and maybe even thirds. 

Also on this buffet line was macaroni and cheese and boiled rotini noodles with tomato sauce on the side. Before I placed either pasta on my plate, I was disappointed. Each dish had developed a crusty top layer because they had not been stirred in a while. Nonetheless, I wished myself a subtle portion of mac and cheese and rotini, adding some sauce to the top. 

My disappointment turned to disgust when I sampled the macaroni and cheese. The golden-colored pasta looked creamy and perfectly crafted, but after tasting it, I learned that looks are deceiving. It was cold but also overcooked from sitting in the warmer for so long. The texture alone made me refrain from going in for a second time. 

There were no glaring issues with the rotini and tomato sauce, but if guests are just getting the noodles, I would recommend adding some salt for flavor. 

The regular buffet line: potatoes, corn, chicken and more

Next up, I wandered over to the regular buffet line. 

Here there was an assortment of carbs and chicken accompanied by green beans and corn. Upon sampling, both veggies needed salt but were a refreshing bite. 

The potato wedges were soggy while the potato chips were cold and flavored with a weird seasoning that I could not identify. To be honest, the homemade potato chips at the Ordal Dining Hall are much better than Pizza Ranch’s. The mashed potatoes were standard in taste and texture, but the chicken gravy really livened them up. 

The fried chicken dish was filled with thigh and breast pieces, but I was able to find the only leg in the batch. However, it did not have as much breading as the rest in the dish. When I sampled it, I was shocked to find the chicken was simultaneously dark pink and gray. The fried chicken fingers would be an easier alternative for kids, and although the fingers were dry, they could be paired with a dipping sauce to make them easier to swallow. 

The last items featured on this line were the biscuits and gravy — because what ranch meal would be complete without this classic duo? The biscuit was dense and dry and featured a cardboard-flavor while the sausage gravy was hot but pungent with an overpowering fennel-like taste. 

The pizza buffet

At this point, I was beginning to feel a little full, but I am nothing if not committed to the bit, so I wiped the sweat from my brow, and headed towards my main course: the pizza buffet. 

As one does, I started with the bread sticks. There were two varieties: classic and cheesy. I grabbed both and some marinara for my dipping pleasure. The classic bread stick was skinnier than I would have liked, but I am an equal-opportunity eater. After I took a bite, I could tell it had been on the warmer for a while. The interior was extremely chewy, but the breadstick itself was hard.  

The cheesy breadstick was delectable. It was perfectly warm and fluffy. The mozzarella cheese perfectly complemented the garlic butter sauce, making the perfect comfort food. When paired with the marinara sauce, the flavors somehow deepened. 

I started off with standard-topping pizzas: cheese, pepperoni mushroom and pepperoni jalapeño. 

Both of the pepperoni combos were thin crust — my personal favorite — but they needed more sauce to really make them something special. The cheese pizza, however, was my favorite from the night. As simple as it may be, it was the hottest pizza, and all the essential elements — crust, sauce and cheese — were working in perfect harmony to satisfy my taste buds. 

There was a variety of specialty pizzas available. The least notable were the Roundup — a mix of sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and olives — and the Bronco, an all-meat pizza. Both were dry and featured a sausage that I just do not like. 

The Prairie is a veggie pizza featuring olives, spinach, onions, peppers and tomatoes served on a thin crust. Had the vegetables been cooked for a few minutes longer, it would have been perfect, but alas there was just too much crunch for me. 

A thin crust pizza with Alfredo sauce, tomatoes and spinach, known as the Tuscan Roma, was my second favorite of the specialty pizzas. It was a touch cold but not cold enough that the flavors lost their impact. 

The real show stopper of this section was the Chicken Bacon Ranch. True to its name, this pizza includes chicken and bacon with a light ranch dressing drizzle. The dressing offered a different look and flavor than the other pizzas, making it hard to compete with. 

A sweet treat buffet

Now that I had cleared all the other buffets, it was time for the main event: the desserts. 

I bet if you polled everyone who has ever eaten at Pizza Ranch, 99.7% of people would say they only came for the cactus bread. 

When I approached the dessert bar, I was blessed with three options for cactus bread: the original, blueberry and cherry apple. Of course, every single bite of each pizza was phenomenal. The classic crust mixed perfectly with the cinnamon streusel and white icing to make the perfect sweet treat. Hot, cold or lukewarm, there is no wrong way to consume this dessert. For an even sweeter treat, add a dollop of creamy vanilla or rich chocolate ice cream. 

Finally, I think we are all seriously underestimating the power of the Pizza Ranch chocolate chip cookie. I am not exaggerating when I say I would spend $17.02 again if it meant I got one bite of this cookie. 

As you bite into this crispy dessert, your taste buds are immediately graced with a savory dough and semi-sweet chocolate chips. Once you’ve finished this bite, you can die happy knowing that you have had the honor to taste the world’s best chocolate chip cookie. If this cookie has no fans, it is because I am dead. 

I finished my meal stuffed but overall a little disappointed. Pizza Ranch was a pillar of my childhood, but the food is not as good as I remember it to be. The experience was filled with good conversation, friendly staff and a clean facility, but I will not be going out of my way to repeat my experience — but maybe just once a year for the desserts.