The Naked Truth: An introduction

Throughout my life, there have rarely been times I felt open to discussing sex with the women around me. 

I grew up in a small, religious town that had little to no sex education, and not talking about the action was an unspoken rule among all young women. Girls didn’t want to confront the topic of sex with their friends for fear they would be called a “slut.” If they didn’t want to address sex, they’d be called a “prude.”

These feelings highlight toxic sex stereotypes. Many women growing up in rural South Dakota are challenged by this culture that perpetuates fear, guilt and shame for young women who enjoy or even talk about sex.

However, in college, I noticed a shift. Since my education on and exposure to sex shifted, the conversations I was having about it also did. Now, the women in my life offer advice and relate to me in ways I didn’t know were possible because of our shared understanding that talking about sex is important.

My name is Elizabeth Toso, and I am currently a senior statistics and data science major, minoring in sociology, journalism and mathematics. I was first exposed to mature discussions of sex through my introduction to sociology class. I remember being enthralled by the readings that talked about the details of hookup culture for college students.

I found myself asking all of my friends, “What would you say a hookup is?” The variety of answers amazed me, especially when I thought about the different cultural backgrounds of the women I was asking. Women from big cities would usually describe a hookup as strictly sexual intercourse, while women from rural areas would describe it as anything ranging from a makeout to “going all the way.” As I became older, my knowledge of the intricacies of the culture grew, as did my interest.

I have consistently wondered why it is that talking about sex as a woman makes people uncomfortable. One thing I come back to is the realization that women’s social roles have come so far in the last century of American culture.

Here are some highlights: In 1919, women earned the right to vote; in 1940, women began working in male-dominated fields during World War II; and in 1960, women gained more control of their own sex lives through birth control. No wonder we don’t feel comfortable talking about sex: first, we had to prioritize our right to live in the world for ourselves and not for the purpose of childbearing and marriage. 

Now, we are in a new era of femininity, one that encourages women to embrace their sexuality on their own terms. Some current feminine icons of this are Tate McRae, Sabrina Carpenter and Chappell Roan.

One of the greatest gifts of the conversations I now have is the variety of topics that the women in my life and I have discussed. Everyone has something different to share, ranging from the comfortability of being intimate with someone to how to communicate what's good and what's not with a partner. After frequently discussing these topics, not only has my relationship with women in my life deepened, but I’ve also grown more comfortable being sexual. 

My first recommendation for embracing your sexuality: watch “Sex and the City.” 

My second recommendation: talk to your friends about your sex life. The more you talk about it and familiarize yourself with it, the easier it gets. This can help you gauge what is a shared struggle and what is an individual struggle. It helps to know that many women struggle with some of the same issues, and often you are not alone. 

My third recommendation: Be willing to learn.

This column exists to open up the conversation about women and sex. My goal is to help women find empowerment and joy in talking about what makes them feel good. I find it very important that women are aware of their bodies and aware of what they are entitled to. I plan to welcome topics that I think all women should be educated on, such as balancing hookup culture, social media and owning your sexuality.

With that, I am excited for next week, when I’ll write about how women on campus define hookups in terms of the presence or absence of sobriety.

XOXO