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Smirror: OJ named new athletic director

JOHNNIE COCHRAN cochran@youmustquit.org In an unpredictable move, Augustana University announced that OJ Simpson, 1968 Heisman Trophy winner, member of the 2,000 single-season rushing yard club and convicted robber and kidnapper would be named the new athletic director. “We are excited to move forward to a new age

Smirror: Local pong tourney turns boys into men

Smirror: Local pong tourney turns boys into men

BUD WEISER nattylite@drinkresponsibly.keystone.com Riots erupted across the Augustana University campus after an intense beer pong tournament culminated in a controversial finish. The tournament, which started early Friday morning and ended late Saturday night, featured prominent pongers from across the greater Midwest. With 64 teams competing in a

Smirror: Students blown away by booming metropolis of Sioux Falls

ANDY GRIFFITH imissauntbee@ole.augie.edu Staring out the window of her eighth-floor dorm in Granskou Hall and marvelling at the array of twinkling lights in the night, sophomore Chloe VanGerpen reflects on her life upon moving to Sioux Falls. “I never thought I would become a city-slicker, but look

Smirror: Fashionistos, time to end the matriarchy

BROCK JOHNSON sayyestothetux@aol.com Listen here, ladies—it’s not all Fortnite and sweatpants, muscle and chocolate milk. Men like fashion, too. But it’s as if women think that men do not care about their outward appearance. I say, it’s time we end the matriarchy in the

Smirror: Acclaimed modern artist on display at Augie

PETER TENTIOUS pretentious@moma.org There’s a quiet rebellion going on in the Eide/Dalrymple Gallery, sparked by local artist Ambrosia White. She wears black lipstick, smokes cinnamon sticks and wants to, as she said, “wake the proletariat up.” She plans to do so through her delicate, intimate sculptures

Smirror: ANGLES: What’s the best escape? Pina coladas or getting caught in the rain?

Rain sucks. Let’s drink. MEREDITH PALMER 5yearssober@dundermifflin.com What’s yellow, coconutty, alcoholic and Puerto Rican all over? The piña colada. What’s wet, dark, cold and depressing? (Hint: not the snow Sioux Falls has been getting.) Think spring. Rain—correct! In case you’re clueless, the piña

Smirror: ANGLES: What’s the best escape? Pina coladas or getting caught in the rain?

ALLIE HAMILTON ifyoureabird@365letters.com Rupert Holmes blessed the world with the 1979 banger “Escape,” also known as “The Piña Colada Song.” You all know how it goes… dude sees an ad for a personal column that says: “If you like piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain, If